Today has been a hard day, both physically and emotionally.
When radiation ended, I knew I would be starting hormone therapy that would last ten years. It would be in two segments, each lasting five years. Two and a half months ago I began the first phase.
I would be given a monthly shot, Zoladex and take a daily pill, Letrazole. As with most medications, they both come with a long list of side effects. By far, the worst has been bone, joint, and muscle pain.
Over the past few weeks I have noticed that it’s a bit harder to get up off the floor or roll out of bed in the mornings to start my day, but moving around usually helps. Today has been different. There has been pain and discomfort in both my hands and nothing I have done has brought relief. This is a combination of the Letrazole and the lingering neuropathy from chemo. I do have some medication left over from my chemo days that the doctor said I could take if needed. I took that at dinner and I’m hopeful it will help soon!
That’s the physical side, which led to the emotional side. Today has been one of my lowest days since chemo ended back in March. Knowing this treatment will last five years is hard. I know that if things get bad enough, we can look at other treatment options, but the reality is that these types of symptoms will more than likely come and go throughout the course of treatment. That’s a hard pill to swallow, literally.
I have to remind myself that it’s temporary. There will be good and bad days. I am still in the fight. I have conquered chemo and radiation and I will conquer this as well. God is so much bigger than this!
I want to apologize for being MIA on the blog. I am struggling with the “what now” of being done with chemo and radiation.
It is hard to believe, but this journey started just over a year ago, on August 5, 2020. Mu gynecologist had referred me for a diagnostic mammogram after I had discovered a lump and made her aware. I went in that day thinking the lump I felt was nothing major. A cyst or clogged milk duct, no big deal. I left that appointment with so much fear and uncertainty. The doctor wouldn’t speculate as to what she thought was going on. All she would say was I needed a biopsy and that the ultrasound showed not one, but several suspicious masses. She called them “satellite” masses feeding off of the larger one that I was feeling.
I got in the car and cried. Chris did what he does and said all the right things, but my mind was swirling. My birthday was coming in a few days, my oldest was moving to college, 2020 was already crazy with COVID, and now cancer. I knew by the look in the doctors eyes it was cancer. I knew when I left that day our lives had just instantly changed. The emotional torture to come is something I want to share in a separate post. I am going to do a few post reflecting on the last year, but I want to end with an update on life in Cotterville.
We moved Jordan back to college for year two last weekend. He is thriving and we are so proud of him. We know this is going to be a fantastic and exciting year for him. He is doing apartment life this year. He now has two roommates he met last year at school and they adopted two cats today!
Isaac has had a great summer including a trip to church camp. He had an awesome time. He has battled sickness, (yes, the other C word, COVID) but is healthy now and ready for school to start on the 11th. They are starting so early this year! He will be finishing his time on the elementary campus as a 6th grader!
Eli is a character. He brings so much joy to our family. He is doing speech and vision therapies and doing so well with both! He is very independent and knows what he wants. He does specific things to make us laugh and is just all around a great kiddo! He will be going to preschool at our church this year so he will be having a blast at school while I work!
Chris and I are doing well. We are excited about school starting and getting back into routines. Chris is still working from home which everyone enjoys. We hope this can become a more permanent thing eventually! I am working at the church a few days a week and love every single minute of it. I don’t even really like to call it work. That’s how you know it’s where God wants you to be. I will be starting back to school at the end of September and will hopefully graduate by mid-2022!
As I struggle with the what nows, I would love your input on what you would like to see me and post about. I want with all my heart to continue telling the story God is writing in my life, I am just struggling with the how. Please share ideas in the comments or reach out to me directly!
Picture of Isaac and I when he returned from camp. Look at the hair! I will do a better heart update soon! Eli at work with mommy! The latest picture I have of Jordan is from a summer trip to Arkansas. He checking out a plane with Todd!
When I was diagnosed in August the end of treatment seemed so far away. It felt like it would never arrive. Surprisingly, the past seven months have gone quick. I believe the countless appointments kept our schedule busy and I slept a majority of the time on chemo. It probably felt faster for me than those around me caring for me.
May is the month my active treatment finally comes to an end! On Friday I completed radiation 12 of 28. We are almost halfway done. As of now there are no side effects and for that I am grateful!
The effects are chemo are starting to subside. I am still battling neuropathy which has actually worsened over the last two weeks. I pray we are in that, it will get worse before it gets better, stage. Praying it starts to subside as it has become more uncomfortable. My taste has pretty much returned. Yay! My hair is growing (on most spots). My energy level is good and I feel great. God is so good!
I know it’s been a while since I updated so I wanted to share my life over the last few weeks. My days are busy working two part-time jobs, daily radiation appointments, karate and baseball with Isaac, and Eli just being Eli. There are not enough hours in the day, but life is wonderful and I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything.
Below are a few pictures of how it’s all been going.
Eli doing his silly thingIsaac doing his baseball thing! Still no hair on the right side of my head! So weird! Coming in good on the sides and back!
