Tag Archives: Radiation

A New Me

I am writing this eight days since my last chemo. I have not felt this well in months! There are still some lingering side effects. I do still struggle with neuropathy in my fingers, but it does seem to be improving. I’m hopeful it will eventually go away completely. There is still some loss of taste, but I’m thrilled to report that is slowly returning as well. Fatigue is still a struggle, but I’m not sure how much that is chemo related and how much it is because I’ve basically done nothing since September and have no stamina. As Eli gets bigger I find it hard to hold him for more than a few minutes because my arms are weak. Walking wears me out. I naturally like to run everywhere I go and I get winded and have to stop to catch my breath. That too should improve with time and movement! Building up muscle tone will also take time. Who wants to lift weights with me? No one, okay I understand!

I wanted to share a fun text I got yesterday. A dear friend and I had been texting back and forth and then she said, “Guess what today is!” My first thought was that it was April Fool’s Day and wondering how she had pranked me…I replied with, “April Fool’s Day.” While I waited for the gotcha moment…She quickly replied, “No, it’s Thursday and you have no chemo!!” I absolutely love how so many close to me jumped on this rollercoaster and have taken the ride alongside me. She was celebrating with me as many of you have. It sure makes a girl feel special! And as a side note, I don’t think I even wore pink! I’m giving other colors a chance.

Instead of having chemo, I went for a radiation mapping appointment and I will do a separate post on that. I then went to work and had a great afternoon. We were made aware of a “Future Raiders” baseball game at the high school and I wanted to take Isaac, but I wasn’t sure how tired I would be after a full day. I was feeling okay so I cooked dinner and proposed going to the game to the family. We hadn’t done anything like this in a while because of me and COVID, but we decided to go. I am so glad we did! I can say I would much rather be outside enjoying a perfect Texas night spending time with my family than asleep in bed feeling horrible after chemo! I was still not that tired after returning home and enjoyed relaxing with Chris and watching pointless YouTube videos. It was such a huge difference from the 12 previous Thursdays.

I titles this post “A New Me” because it is truly how I feel. I am settling into my new jobs. Yes, jobs. Both are going great and God is doing some amazing things. I never intended to go back to work full-time, but these two part-time jobs will keep me good and busy during the days. It has felt so good having something to do and feeling productive.

This week has felt…normal. I know that thanks to 2020 it’s a new normal, but it’s the most normal I have felt in a year. I am working. I am attending baseball practices with Isaac. We are going to watch baseball as a family. Six months ago I wasn’t sure those things would ever happen for me. There was so much uncertainty as to if I would be around to do those things.

While my fight isn’t over, the hard part is done. Surgery and chemo are behind me and by mid-May I will be done with daily/weekly doctor visits.

To quote the lyrics of one of my go-to songs, The Father’s House, “My story isn’t over, my story’s just begun” I cannot wait to see the chapters God is going to write for me!

Isaac taking in his first “real game”

Taxol Treatment 9 of 12

It has been a minute since I’ve updated. I feel I just repeat the same things over and over, but I know a lot of you want to know how things are going. I am working on a few different posts and would love ideas on what you want to know. If you have a question, leave a comment. I plan to do a Q and A post soon!

This past Thursday I had my 9th Taxol. It went much the same. The doctor has been giving me an extra bag of fluids each treatment which seems to help my energy levels the day of treatment and the day after. I came home and slept for several hours, but then slept zero Thursday night. The lack of sleep does a number on me emotionally. In addition, the medications mess with your hormones which too makes me emotional. There are times I feel like crying for no reason at all. I feel like if I start crying I may never stop. This has been a struggle the last two days.

The expected pain has started to set in and I fully expect tomorrow to be the worst day of it. That seems to be the routine. By Tuesday I am usually feeling much better and ready to tackle it all over again by Thursday. Okay, that’s a lie. I am never ready for treatment day….Just when I start feeling better I have to get knocked down again.

I keep telling myself I have been doing this since October and there are only three weeks left, four counting recovery, but it feels so far away. I am tired. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally. I want so bad to be done….but then a whole new scary journey begins. I know what to expect now with chemo, but what will radiation bring?

I feel I don’t talk about the emotional struggle enough on here. My family and close friends see it, but I don’t share enough about it. The is almost as much about the mental fight as the physical, if not more. I want to quit. I want to feel normal. I want life the way it was in July of 2020 when there was nothing wrong with me. The reality is, my life will never be the same. I will forever be post-diagnosis Carrie. My families lives will never be the same. They will all have gone through this with me. It’s hard on them. They put on a brave face for me, but I know they hate it and are tired too.

So how do we make it? God! We pray. We lean on our friends and family when we can’t support ourselves. We keep a positive attitude and find the good in whatever we are dealt. When I can’t see positive, someone else helps me find it. We keep a sense of humor about it all. Sometimes people may be put off by us laughing or joking about my cancer, but laughter helps. Sometimes laughing is all we can do to get through.

My medical team at Texas Oncology is great. They are always positive, but real. They tell me what to expect and support me as those things begin to happen. But mostly, they are awesome because they get me. I feel comfortable being honest and telling how I’m doing. I know they won’t get upset if I didn’t drink enough water that week or lost some weight. If I say I was so mean this week to my family, and they assure me it’s the chemo making me that way. They are awesome because they laugh with me when I crack stupid jokes….or wear silly shirts! They cheer me on and are just as excited as I am that my chemo is almost over. It will be weird not seeing them every week! But they swear after this they never want to see me again (at least in the office).

I have said so many times that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay. This week, and over the past five months, there have been moments of not being okay. I want to thank those who have listened to me, cried with me, and picked me back up. For reminding me what I have already overcome and told me I only have THREE MORE TREATMENTS! 5 months of chemo done, ONE to go!

I saw this on Amazon and had to have it. The staff loved it!

God > Cancer!

This Taste Funny!

It’s been another week and another week of new-ish symptoms.

When I was getting AC chemo I had changes in the way food tasted. Everything was a metallic flavor and just off. That improved when the AC chemo stopped, until this week. Now, I again have changes in taste. Everything taste bland. My favorite sweets like Dr. Pepper and this cute Little Debbie Valentine cakes are far less sweet. It’s hard for me to eat breads because there is no taste at all to them. I crave things and then eat them and am not satisfied because of the taste! I did find one thing that tasted amazing and I know most of you will not be surprised by this. Last year our Dairy Queen closed suddenly and I was bummed because one of my favorite fall/winter foods went away. A little over a week ago the DQ reopened. Chris and I have been trying hard to eat at home to save money and eat healthier so I wasn’t sure when I would be able to go. One night this week I had fixed dinner and we ate. Well, everyone else did. I couldn’t handle the lack of flavor and opted to give my portions to my growing boys. We were “celebrating” the end of the weekend or something and I decided we would go to DQ for ice cream. On the way there I decided to get my favorite food…chicken and dumplings! I was worried I would be unimpressed, but I took that first bite and all the flavors! I think it’s mostly the salt and pepper that stood out but it was the most I had tasted in days. And it’s probably the best I’ve eaten all week.

Another new symptom is neuropathy in my fingers and toes. It is a know side effects of Taxol and the reason I ice my hands and feet during the infusion as a prevention mechanism. It is not painful at this point but I do feel like the pads of my fingers and toes are numb. This is something that will be monitored by my medical team and hopefully will not increase in severity or be long term.

One final update. I am now about two months post AC chemo. The doctor said that my hair should begin growing back, even while undergoing Taxol treatment. I was skeptical due to accounts from other cancer fighters in my support group. This week Chris and Isaac said in separate occasions they could see some hair coming in! It’s hard to tell color or texture, but there is definitely some peach fuzz. This is exciting, but I also secretly like having no hair to fix! I am interested to see how long it is before it can be styled and/or dyed PINK!

It is hard to see, but there!

Tomorrow morning I will receive Taxol treatment six! This is the halfway point of Taxol. If all goes as planned, my last Taxol treatment and FINAL CHEMO will be March 18th!

The plan then is a two week break before beginning 30 daily (weekdays) rounds of radiation.

Let the countdowns begin!