Monthly Archives: August 2021

Thankful For a Birthday

Today is my birthday! As we age, often we don’t celebrate birthdays as much, but this year, this birthday, is special.

Let me go back to my birthday last year. A week prior I had been told of the suspicious mammogram and ultrasound and I would need to schedule a biopsy. I spent the next six days going through every scenario possible. The good, the bad, and the horrible. The biopsy was scheduled August 12. The day after my birthday.

I love any day I can eat cake and be given gifts…Yes, sugar and gifts are my love language in case you were wondering. Last year, I couldn’t really enjoy the meal with family and friends. I don’t remember if I received gifts (I’m sure I did). My mind was too consumed in the thought that I could be celebrating my last birthday. The entire day that;s where my brain was. I wanted to make sure to get pictures at dinner. A picture with each of my boys. A picture with Chris. I needed all of those pictures, not for me, but for them…for when I was gone.

I was in such a dark place. A place of fear and uncertainty. Would it be my last birthday here on earth? I tried hard to put on a smile and enjoy the day. There were some great moments that day. I was able to enjoy dinner. My family treated me like a princess, like always, but then night came. Nights are when I slow down and my mind begins to go places. It’s been a struggle of mine for decades. One I am medicated for, but it still happens. Last year’s birthday ended in tears. It ended with fear. It ended with so many questions.

Fast forward to today. What a difference a year makes. I am full of life. Full of love. Full of JOY. The journey over the last 365 days was hard, but I made it! My family and friends showered me in love, gifts, and even cupcakes. My husband is taking me shopping this weekend as my gift. But the greatest gift this year, and every year came from my God. He gave me another birthday. Another year to celebrate. Another year to take pictures with those I love. And another year to wear the “birthday hat” that has become a Cotterville tradition.

I am beyond blessed. I am so glad that I didn’t stay in that very dark place from one year ago. I will admit, I was there for a good month while waiting on tests and results. But with the help of all of you and our Heavenly Father, I found hope. My birthday is ending in tears again, but these are happy tears. I’m in awe of how God has blessed me this past year and I cannot wait to come back this time next year and share the blessings that my 38th year of life will bring!

Thank you to all who had a part in the past year. Thank you to all who had a part in making today a wonderful day!! I will leave you tonight with a picture of me in the “birthday hat”!!

God > Cancer!!!

One year….

I want to apologize for being MIA on the blog. I am struggling with the “what now” of being done with chemo and radiation.

It is hard to believe, but this journey started just over a year ago, on August 5, 2020. Mu gynecologist had referred me for a diagnostic mammogram after I had discovered a lump and made her aware. I went in that day thinking the lump I felt was nothing major. A cyst or clogged milk duct, no big deal. I left that appointment with so much fear and uncertainty. The doctor wouldn’t speculate as to what she thought was going on. All she would say was I needed a biopsy and that the ultrasound showed not one, but several suspicious masses. She called them “satellite” masses feeding off of the larger one that I was feeling.

I got in the car and cried. Chris did what he does and said all the right things, but my mind was swirling. My birthday was coming in a few days, my oldest was moving to college, 2020 was already crazy with COVID, and now cancer. I knew by the look in the doctors eyes it was cancer. I knew when I left that day our lives had just instantly changed. The emotional torture to come is something I want to share in a separate post. I am going to do a few post reflecting on the last year, but I want to end with an update on life in Cotterville.

We moved Jordan back to college for year two last weekend. He is thriving and we are so proud of him. We know this is going to be a fantastic and exciting year for him. He is doing apartment life this year. He now has two roommates he met last year at school and they adopted two cats today!

Isaac has had a great summer including a trip to church camp. He had an awesome time. He has battled sickness, (yes, the other C word, COVID) but is healthy now and ready for school to start on the 11th. They are starting so early this year! He will be finishing his time on the elementary campus as a 6th grader!

Eli is a character. He brings so much joy to our family. He is doing speech and vision therapies and doing so well with both! He is very independent and knows what he wants. He does specific things to make us laugh and is just all around a great kiddo! He will be going to preschool at our church this year so he will be having a blast at school while I work!

Chris and I are doing well. We are excited about school starting and getting back into routines. Chris is still working from home which everyone enjoys. We hope this can become a more permanent thing eventually! I am working at the church a few days a week and love every single minute of it. I don’t even really like to call it work. That’s how you know it’s where God wants you to be. I will be starting back to school at the end of September and will hopefully graduate by mid-2022!

As I struggle with the what nows, I would love your input on what you would like to see me and post about. I want with all my heart to continue telling the story God is writing in my life, I am just struggling with the how. Please share ideas in the comments or reach out to me directly!

Picture of Isaac and I when he returned from camp. Look at the hair! I will do a better heart update soon!
Eli at work with mommy!
The latest picture I have of Jordan is from a summer trip to Arkansas. He checking out a plane with Todd!